She is so mean; she did not show up at the annual trip (College/University life); “haan see I told you” chorus “bohut mean hai yar”.
She is too selfish; she did not join us at dinner last night (alumni catch up) – “This. I knew it already”, the chorus “kitni selfish hai”.
She is too arrogant, she did not come at an official lunch (corporate world) – “From day one she looked maghroor”, the chorus “maghroor hai bohut”.
Let’s take a moment of silence for all of us who are too quick to judge people around us. I always wanted to discuss the other side of the story and today I am not going to miss this opportunity.
“Yaar woh reply nahi karti, yaar woh call back nahi karti, she does not show up in dinners, lunches, get-togethers”.
And the list of complaints becomes never-ending. Do we ever think of jumping into the shoes of that other “arrogant, selfish, mean and what not person? Just to understand the possible reasons they might have which we are unable to understand. Let’s together try to look into the possibilities under the veil.
First, among the other possibilities, we must consider is being occupied. It is not necessary when you are up for socializing, the others are too. When the person tells you, “I am busy” you need to understand and must give them space till they are done with their things. Every individual has the right to be left alone when they are absorbed in something, which can be personal or professional and this again is none of our business. In such a situation, stop being “mohallay wali aunty” to broadcast “woh tou bari shakhsiyat hogyi hai time he nahi hai”.
Even if you are too fond of quotations like me, do not believe in every single word quoted. Eyes rolling? 😵
No seriously, if someone is saying they are busy believe them instead of telling
“Nobody is ever too busy. If they care, they will make time.”
Do not believe every single word by the author because the other person has their own schedules and engagements. Thinking too much about quotations can stress you up, ruin your relationship and at times make you a pessimist. Therefore, “maan lo k wo busy hai”. Move on
If you are not yet convinced by being busy as an excuse for not responding, late reply, not showing up then you can consider another possible reason and this is very much convincing. “Being shy”. Yes, shyness makes people anti-social to an extent. That feeling of being uncomfortable among crowds, nervous and self-conscious in gatherings might be an object of a laugh for some but is a horrific thought for them. Where some of us love being socially engaged, partying, getting together, shyness snatches that level of enjoyment from certain people. Mingling with others is a nightmare for them and they try harder to ignore such situations. The “confident” people label their shyness (mistakenly mixing it up) with arrogance, pride. Egotism and superiority complex. Ladies out there! It is easy to pass judgments like “khud to pata nahi kya samjhti hai” then lending a helping hand to get them out of this situation.
In the modern world today, “shyness” still exists. If you think this is the talk of the 70s going on in here. No, there are still people out there who are afraid to disclose being shy because they know you will have a good laugh and them having another sleepless night of embarrassment.
Under confidence is a term I believe, that has a wide number of connotations. Under confidence usually is confused with shyness. Where shyness makes you avoid people, under confidence along with avoidance, is not believing in your own self. Thinking yourself as not capable of anything, lacking boldness and courage.
You know, under confidence is not genetic or inherited. The family, friends, society instill this in an individual. A child by birth is not under-confident. If you have an infant, a child, a kid around, observe them. They are expressive, bold, loud and least bothered about the consequences. They grow up either as a confident individual or an under-confident person. Not the only discouragement, bashing and scolding ruins the confidence but “overprotection” does the same too. Either way, we must understand it is not the person’s fault if he is under-confident.
This is another yet very common factor for being called by names as “arrogant, proud, self-centered, and egoistic.” I remember, getting permission from parents for college trips was more difficult than getting a favorite birthday present. If you find it being materialistic, I do not. I understood then and now as well that my parents were being protective.
Be considerate enough to understand, sense and respect the hidden factors behind being isolated. Stop being judgmental, stop being irrational.